doctor's orders.

is there a doctor in the house, you might ask, trying to be cute. because you know that my husband is now a doctor (of philosophy, not of helping people). and because you know that i have been extremely ill.

your little joke wouldn't garner even a smile from this girl. because a) there actually isn't doctor in the house. currently, he's out having rip-roaring sunday afternoon while i sit here coughing and b) it hurts my lungs when i smile.

i try to be positive on this little blog, because who really wants to hear me bitch? but right on time to ruin my life, that old cough came back and with it, a fever and enough snot to fill the grand canyon. to be clear, i'm not wanting to bitch here. i'm wanting you to feel sorry for me.

so i give you, things i have missed because my body is weak and god hates me:

-tearing it up on thursday night for my newly minted doctor. despite my poor health, i did sit at the bar long enough to drink a gatorade, cough in every one's beer and scowl at every one's cigarette. i went home around 7:45 thinking i might just die on lee street.

-alas, i did not die. instead, i woke up with a higher fever and had to call in sick to work. i hate calling in sick to work. i'm a perfect attendance kind of girl. and, instead of my usual mismosa friday on the porch, i sat on the couch for daytime-television-friday (which by the way was a gorgeous, sunny, temperate day). didn't even catch a buzz from my meds, either.

-yesterday, still sick, i missed MY birthday lunch in charleson. while i'm happy the meal went on without me, i was a little more than bitter to hear from pgc just how thick the scallops were on the po' boy. i, again, sat on the couch and watched it's always sunny in philadelphia, which isn't as funny as everyone says it is. i also watched the another crisp, fall day begin and end through the slits in the blinds.

-today, while very much recovering, was told that instead of watching the football at the bar like everyone else, i needed to stay home and rest. don't wanna overdo it, ash. i gave the cat a bath, so someone would suffer like i am. oh, and guess what the weather's like?

i haven't put on real clothes or make-up in days. i've been eating things that i cannot taste. i am tired of talking to cats. and seriously, this philadelphia show, i thought it was supposed to be phenomenal?!

birthday foodie.

best birthday ever.

after a crazy weekend of candy and coughing and too many fun things to recount, a quiet birthday was just what i needed. quiet but food-filled, of course.

the day started with a homemade red velvet cake from a good friend and coworker. holy moly, what a little food dye can do.

lunch was mr. friendly's chicken stack (that's grilled chicken topped with fried green tomatoes topped with a scoop of homemade pimento cheese...all on top of mashed potatoes), fine dining without the pretension, folks!

for dinner, pgc and i hit up camon--hands down the best sushi in town. sure, you can get 25 cent rolls at the other places...but seriously, you feel comfortable paying 25 cents for raw fish? ah, and where are the waiters cuter and more accommodating?

and because it's not your birthday without two kinds of cake...paul delivered on a sheet cake from piggly wiggly. gamecock colors and all.

i know you're all dying to know what i got. we'll, i got a humidifier. and not just any humidifier, this one came with monsters of folk tickets in it for next wednesday night in atl. !!! check out the cvs on assembly--maybe there's more of these special humidifiers there. we'd love to carpool!

to round out the day, all i wanted to do was pull on my blob pants (yup, it's blob pant season down here) and watch spinal tap. so that's what we did. and it was awesome.

i fell asleep happy and humidified. the luckiest birthday girl in the world.

happy anniversary, blog. (and an appe-teaser.)

while i was coughing, we missed this blog's one year anniversary. can you believe it? one year.

but you're the real stars, readers. you. and you and you.

----------------------------------------------------

i leave you with a thought to ponder over the weekend.

there are two kinds of people in this world. the kind that--as soon as seated at a mexican restaurant--order queso, and those who wouldn't dream of it.

more about appetizers on monday.

30 awesome days hath novemeber.

alright, alright. here i am. blogging. happy now?

(i'm being sarcastic. please don't stop paying attention to me.)

so, i kinda caught the plaque. that's why i've been gone. not to mention the excessive tv watching, lasagna making and ebay surfing with which i've been consumed. really important stuff.

we went tailgating last weekend. by all accounts, a success. i've talked a lot of smack over the years about tailgating and the certain breed of people who do it. but i must admit, drinking in a parking lot is really fun. i could take or leave the game. which turned out to be cold and frustrating, as football isn't nearly as easy to watch without those yellow lines that tell you how far the guy has to run.

also, you can't drink in the stadium....so....it was like an instant headache. hungover at 8p.m. is a low place to be. at my age, anyway.

speaking of age, i turn the big 2-5 on monday. no gifts, please. e-mail me and i'll give you a routing number for direct deposit. i'm super excited about 25. what i nice, square number. as it is on a monday, this b-day should be low key, which is how i like these things now. being the center of attention is exhausting. (please don't stop paying attention to me.)

things in the cook household are crazy like that gnarles barkley song. pgc is sending out dozens and dozens and dozens of job apps. poor thing. there's nothing as crippling as a job search. don't feel too bad for him, though...at 29, this will be his first major job search. the rest of us had dignity handed to us at 22. if you pray, pray for him. if you don't, do it anyway...god loves to hear from you.

halloween is almost here and i need to get moving. i haven't bought candy or a pumpkin or my 900 dollar squirrel outfit. it's the same thing every year: i get very jazzed about halloween in august (mostly because it makes me think about candy) and by the time it gets here, i'm too bothered by all the holiday frenzy to even dress up.

after halloween is through, you can all get ready for something much bigger: pgc earning his doctoral cred. a week from today, my lovely counterpart will defend (to the death if need be) his dissertation and earn the title of doctor. doctor pgc. again, no gifts. direct deposit only. or you can buy us a drink. but something top-shelf, okay? this is a big deal.

after dr. pgc's shindig, it will be time for another travel writing adventure. i've been set up at the doubletree in downtown chattanooga, and this time mama is coming along as i formulate 1,000 words to describe my favorite tennessee town.

after that, it'll be turkey time.

viva november!

beer me the weekend, already.

last night, we celebrated.

a good friend earned the title of doctor (and apparently the right to sabotage pool games by throwing balls into the pockets. hey, he said, i'm a doctor).

i was on my best behavior--getting down on wednesday is one thing. monday is like my mandatory boring night. i had maybe 3 beers and even managed to look like i maybe knew what i was doing on the pool table.

we were in bed by ten and asleep by ten-thirty.

and yet i slept through an hour of alarms. i thought it was saturday. because, generally monday nights are nothing like friday nights.

i'm all off today; had to eat my peanut butter oatmeal at work.

this weekend can't get here soon enough. friday mimosas on the porch are quickly becoming a tradition.

on saturday we are heading down to the industrial wasteland that is the stadium to tailgate (can you tailgate with a camry?). and then cross our fingers that vandy doesn't ruin our season for the third year in a row. i will not be wearing pearls or a strapless dress or anything resembling a heel. i will be the one with a hooded sweatshirt on. just because i'm partaking doesn't mean i approve.

fired chicken, potato salad, miller lite.

it's cold now, but it will probably be summer again by then. i might even get one last sun tan.

let me know if you want to come. and if you can make crab dip.

planning on it.

paul and i are planners. we do nothing spontaneously and always have dinner at 6.

so far, we have a pretty detailed five year plan sketched out. a job for paul. maybe or maybe not a child (that poor child), depending on how i feel that year, and...an rv.

the great thing about the rv is that you get to travel together (which we love) without actually having to be together (which we need). see below for the background on this.

while paul's up front (i am not allowed nor would ever want to drive something that big) i can sit in the back in listen to music/watch tv/criticize his driving in a normal tone of voice without him hearing me.

when i do get lonely (it happens), i can crawl up to the front and listen to paul pontificate about the road.

oh, and the money we'll save on hotels! the picture above was taken in big sur, ca. a hotel room there would be more than $150, you better believe. But that spot right there? maybe $40.

part of the plan is to drive every summer (professor+freelance writer=freedom!) and to fly our friends and family out to certain stops. paul's parents need to see the west, my parents need to see the northeast, and we will need to see our friends after all that time away (and with our folks).

some people have made fun of this plan. don't make fun of this plan. because you never know when i might call you with a plane ticket and an invitation to paradise! you can sleep on the bunk board.

motivation.

a while back, a good friend of mine and i were talking about life in front of a computer. while i know this young man works very, very hard, he also admitted to some internet privilege abuse. i believe his exact word were:

"i'm scared that one day a page will pop up and say 'you've reached the end of the internet'"

oh, close your mouth. don't pretend like you don't surf at work.

before computers, people read magazines and filed their nails at work--which was a lot less stimulating than the following:

my favorite new "breaks" from work.

1. you suck at craigslist.

i know this for a fact. as you know, i adore craigslist. adore it. but some people really do suck at it.

2. people of walmart.

file this one under "why didn't i think of this!?!" you've heard of this, right? it's gotten a lot of press. for obvious reasons:

3. kittenwar.
a friend actually introduced this site to me the other day. extra points for interactivity! vote on the cutest kitten. (i can't really do that, because i don't want to hurt any cat's feelings. so i just alternate between left and right. could you chose?)

trust me, these sites will make your tps reports so much better.

charm city.

we did make it alive (and still married) to baltimore. washington dc tried to snare us in its confusing web of freeways and highways, but we made it out safely...through the magic of...teamwor--ah, who am i kidding?

we were tired. we were hungry. tired and hungry enough for strip mall pizza by the time we found my parents at the hotel. maybe it was the fatigue, but the pizza was the jam--and just what we needed to wake up.

after lunch, i promptly ditched paul to hit up the outlet mall with my mama. i'm not so sure why i was excited about this. anymore, when the two of us go shopping, i become her personal fashion consultant. her "stacy and clinton," if you will.

it seems that when most women get to a certain age, they are utterly incapable of picking out stylish pants on their own.

"what, you mean hiding my belly under my jeans isn't working? you can still see it? what if i tuck my shirt in?"

"these pants are too long! gee whiz, they almost touch the floor! go get me the 6 ankle, that should do the trick."

"look at the flare on these puppies, bootleg is not for me."

no no no no no and no. ladies, please.

anyway, mama made out like a bandit and i settled for a cotton dress from the gap. i tried not to pout but i think my bottom lip might have swelled, a little.

friday night was all about fellowship. the asian cuisine and american beer kind of fellowship. folks from all over gathered to celebrate my cousin's new marriage. i love weddings!

saturday morning we hit downtown. as you know, we've been watching the wire pretty obsessively for a few months now. so driving into downtown baltimore was like driving into a place i had been 50 times (approximately 4 seasons). but there were no corner boys, or lil' hoppers or re-ups falling from the windows. i guess we were in the wrong spot.

actually, baltimore is beautiful. all the ships and the old steeples and that breeze coming off the bay. lovely.

saturday night was the "non-wedding." the "non-wedding" included the following:
-casual clothes
-a party inside the ruins of an old women's correctional institution (for women who had opinions)
-crabs, potatoes, corn (almost a lowcountry broil!)
-lots of drinks
-cake!
-dance party at a local bar
-a hilarious taxi ride home with my drunken family. they're much funnier when they're drunk, i must say.
-a pretty wicked hangover...

...just in time for our drive back home. i'll leave that part out, though. (you're welcome.)

we came home with the conclusion that the south needs to reclaim maryland (what's this mid-atlantic thing? who made that up?) and baltimore will be our capital (eff atlanta).

congrats ellie and steve! and thanks for the drinks.

car language.

leaving for a road trip right after work always seems like a great idea. i always think i'll be itching for some open road and gas station boiled peanuts after all those hours under florescent lights. the truth is, the only things i'm ready for after work are a) a nap b) a drink or c) a fight. seeing as how a and b were unavailable to me on the first leg of our journey to baltimore last friday, i was forced to indulge in the third.

pgc and i love to travel together, i swear. in fact, buying an rv is a major part of our five year plan. and yet, once the speedometer hits 60, someone has a harsh word (or seventeen) for the other.

even when we are being nice to each other, we're not.

"don't you thinkg you're driving a little fast, doll (or any negative adjective/adverb)?"
translation: clearly you do not value my life or you would drive carefully and respectfully.

"i don't want to listen to music, let's just have a conversation. i love talking to you."
translation: you have the shittiest taste in music of anyone i've ever met.

"you can listen to sports talk, if you want, honey."
translation: if you say one more boring word about the boring things you're interested in, i'm going to jump out of the window.

"can you wait to pee, sweetheart, or do you need to go now?"
translation: i'm not stopping this car until columbia. and even then, i'm just letting you out and driving away.

"i miss the cats. don't you miss the cats?"
translation: let's talk about the one thing we agree on.

"you can get wendy's, i'm just going to eat my leftovers from yesterday."
translation: someone has to be concerned about the financial well-being of this family. and it makes me feel better than you to be that someone. but i really want a double stack.

ah, marriage.

honestly, i do enjoy most of our time in the car. and even the times we fight (or pretend not to) are enlightening. we're still learning how to interact with each other. and how not to be the selfish jerks that we are.

anyway, baltimore was a blast. more on that tomorrow.

things to come.

we're going to baltimore this weekend, where i'm going to find this gentleman:

that's detective jimmy mcnulty, for those who don't know (why don't you know?).

other than that, we're going to celebrate a marriage, eat some crab and get down at some outlet malls. an h&m outlet may be karma's way of rewarding me for going so long without one in my entire state.

things are particularly hectic for the young scholar i share my residence with, so now seems like great timing to get away for a bit. though fall seems to be moving into columbia and you never know when it will leave again (probably next tuesday). we're all dreading summer v.3.

the cats have fleas again, which means they must be in the house. this does not bother me as much as it should. when you've killed as many cockroaches as i have, fleas seem pretty innocuous. easy for me to say, sure, i'm not itching myself to death.

anyway, this is all rather boring, isn't it?

the exciting topic of the day (in my head) is what i am going to be for halloween which is now only 31 days away. this is what i'm thinking:

it's only $895.00. what do you think?